She Saw
by ohcurliehair
Summary: And a thousand memories flew through her mind. A Gillian one shot.


I've had this on my computer for a little while but never got around to posting it. I should probably be working on my other multi-chapter story but why not throw this into the mix for something a bit different? :) It doesn't have a happy ending though so if you can't handle character death please be warned. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Don't own Lie to Me.

***

She saw it exit the chamber. She saw it hurtle through the air, even though time seemed to slow down. She felt it, felt the searing pain. And a thousand memories flew through her mind.

A little child. Looking up at her Daddy as she realised for the first time he wasn't perfect.

A teenager. Coming home late from a party one night, a few minutes past curfew. He was waiting for her. She could smell the alcohol on his breathe, she knew what was coming. She shrunk away, trying to apologise. But it wasn't good enough, it was never good enough. _She_ was never good enough.

A young adult. Leaving for college, knowing she could finally leave her old life behind. She could forge a new one. She was filled with so much hope, so much anticipation. She was finally ready for her life to begin.

A college student. The first time she ever laid her eyes on that arrogant, over confident, pain in the ass. She hated him, yet was in awe of him. Intrigued by him. His eyes made her feel completely naked. Yet she couldn't look away.

A senior. Falling in love with that arrogant, over confident, pain in the ass. She felt it all. Happiness, hope, excitement, elation. _Love_. She knew at that moment he was the love of her life, no one else could compare. And life was wonderful once again.

A graduate. He broke her heart. Told her he couldn't do it anymore. Left her, got married, had a kid. And life was no longer wonderful.

A Pentagon employee. She had landed her dream job. All that hard work, the hours of study and tears left behind in her wake, was finally worth something. She was a somebody. And all she could think was 'See Dad, I am good enough.'

A fool. When she saw him again, when she realised no matter how much pain he had caused her, she still loved him. Cal Lightman. That arrogant son of a bitch.

A Lightman Group partner. Choosing to leave the Pentagon, forge a new career, to take a risk. It was the best and the worse decision she could have made. But she never regretted it, not once.

A best friend. He was her best friend and she was his. _Trust._ She trusted him implicitly, was drawn to him. Her life was better with him in it.

A wife. Making the biggest mistake of her life. Marrying Alec Foster. She knew it was wrong, he knew it was wrong. But they had forged ahead anyway, said their vows, signed the papers. She was only ever in love with him because that piece of paper told her she should be. Perfect at everything else, she was supposed to be the perfect wife. But once again, she wasn't good enough.

A confidant. Listening to Cal, picking up the pieces once his marriage failed. She had looked after him for months, nursed his hangovers, made sure he made it to work, he ate, he changed his clothes. And bit by bit he healed.

A mother. For those few, brief moments she was happy again. Looking into beautiful Sophie's big blue eyes, she could see her own smile reflected in them. There was no moment that could top that. Finally, a child of her own.

A childless woman. Brief. That was the key word. She was happy for a few,_ brief_ moments. Until her beautiful girl, the one she had nurtured, fed, changed, loved, had been taken away from her. She had never felt pain like that in her whole life.

A single woman. She couldn't help but feel relief once the divorce papers had been signed. She supposed she should have felt sadness or even regret. But she knew it was over long before a conversation about it had even occurred. Signed, sealed, delivered. I'm no longer yours.

A best friend...and maybe something more. The glances, the slight touches. His hand brushing against her arm. Her placing a hand on his chest. She felt butterflies in her stomach like she was young again. She felt her heart pound in her chest every time she was near him. It was stupid but she loved him. Shame about the line. The worst lies we tell are out of love. Even when we tell them to ourselves.

She looked up at him, her breathing getting shallow. All that time, all those memories. How many seconds had passed, how many minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years? How much time had she had to say that she loved him? But she had waited. Thinking she had more years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds. She thought she had time. Her eyes probed his trying to show him the words she was unable to speak. She tried to open her mouth but she could feel the blood rising up her oesophagus, filling her mouth. She gasped for a breath. When he nodded she knew he understood.

She saw it in his eyes. She saw it in the single tear that fell from his eye to her cheek. She saw it when he mouthed those three words she so longed to hear. And then she saw black and there was nothing.


End file.
